now and then

I find that the times I am most proud of myself, the times I look upon my life with wonder, is when I have risen from the depths of something catastrophic, when I’ve stared down my breakdown and not let it ruin me completely. I sense the real hope that lives within my bones when I’ve become dangerously close to burning through it all completely. Life is better when my stars and stripes are earned. The rewards are more vibrant when I’ve been a little beaten and bruised and broken from weathering the journey it took to get me where I am. I will never appreciate my happiness more than when I’ve lost it, when it has vacated me for long stretches of time and I must claw my way back to it. This is a life. This is the full experience. This is what the whole thing is about.