i should have said 'Alhamdulillah'

life is great. i mean waking up in the morning and doing things.

that's awesome.

we're lucky to exist, you know?

I have a chance to be alive and experience things--which is probably the most under appreciated thing in the whole world (right in front of breakfast for dinner). life is beautiful and it's a shame that it often takes near death experiences or improved circumstances for people to realize it.

i love life, even when i don't have one.

i love it unconditionally and if it were a person, i'd hug it everyday.

not the one arm, side-to-side deal either.. i'am talking two arm embraces, with life's face smothered in my chest so it leaves makeup stains on my shirt.

i want to make good impressions, have the correct answers, make the best decisions, say the right things--be good at life. i know a person or two who seem as if they've got it all figured out. living and handle everything with grace and charisma. YES, i know nobody is perfect do some people just act better than others? maybe that's the best method, to pretend and fake it-- until I make it.

maybe it's been too long. maybe i have crossed the border between 'giving honor to what i had' into 'being pathetically stuck in the past'. i'am sorry if you think that i should be doing other things, enjoying my youth, counting my blessing, and seeing other people. i don't need to hear any motivational quotes about all of the wonderful things i still have to look forward to in life, or that i ended for a reason.

i am currently walking through a tunnel whose end i cannot see,

whose walls feel as cold as they are strangely comforting.

at least in my sadness,

i know what can be expected.