How many times have I thought to myself, “If they just got to know me, the real me, they would love me”? As someone who believes that most people are incredibly beautiful, sensitive creatures with baggage that sometimes causes them to portray an image that doesn’t exactly reflect their true selves, I often find myself advocating for the people beneath the mask.

Take me for example. Most people I know would tell you I’m cheesy gooey, careless, negative, even possessive kind of girl. But this is the person that I let people see. Not many people take the time to really get to know the things that are bubbling under the surface. Most of the time I give off that give off an, “I don’t give a shit what you think” vibe but really, I care a lot what other people think about me.

We are (sometimes) so quick to judge everyone’s situation that we don’t allow ourselves to see what’s going on underneath. Agreed?

Maybe it’s the storyteller in me but I love hearing about everyone. I love when people let down their guard and let me see the incredible person hiding behind their exterior. I’ve been wrong on my first impressions few times than I’d ever care to admit. I’ve thought that I really didn’t like someone until I really got to know them and I realized in that moment they’re just like me; struggling to figure out the person they are. We’re all wrestling with who we should be on the outside and who we actually are on the inside.

I’ve struggled with my identity for a really long time. I always put myself in a role I knew I couldn’t keep up with. There are a handful of people that I would let see me for me but I recently changed that. I realized that if I wanted to be happy and inspire others that I would first have to do the work to make myself feel the love and acceptance I want to give to everyone else.

It was hella hard and hella costly. When I say things that make some people feel uncomfortable, whether it be a shortcoming of mine or a trauma I’ve had in the past, I feel the other person I am telling almost start to shut down. Why? Why do some people shut down when I admit the less than perfect things about myself?

Then I start to think the reason other people get uncomfortable when I talk about my scary stuff is because it reminds them of their own. A lot of people aren’t ready or willing to work on the hard things because it’s incredibly terrifying. Everyone wants to be happy all the time and when I remind them that I am just a mess human being, it reminds them that they are also human with real emotions.

I collect traumas and feelings throughout my lifetime. It’s almost as if I have an internal counter that keeps a tally of the moments and memories of when I didn’t feel good enough. Those negative memories and moments are the ones I fall back on when things aren’t going my way or when I see something in someone else that reminds me of my shit.

I let myself to see beneath the mask that some people wear and let some of my true friends see beneath mine (yea I have trust issue here and that's make me SO really really careful, I won't let some kind of jerk mess with me). I owe it to myself to get to know someone fully before I judge them because I never know the beautiful understandings they can give me. Sometimes I find by listening to another person’s stories and struggles, I find an answer to my own.

P.S: 

you can't always trust everyone. Be careful.